I really hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts popping and making explosive noises so I check it and it’s freezing cold like why you gotta play me like that

(via lett-mee-kiss-youu)

dutchster:

i accidentally spilled monster energy drink in my fish bowl and now my goldfish won’t stop saying “bro” and keeps flexing it’s fins

(via dutchster)

claydols:

hello 911? somebody reblogged my post on tumblr.com and said “i cant breathe”. i think i killed someone. i would like to turn myself in

(Source: basedgosh, via caterwocky)